.

For indeed who is not a fool, melancholy, mad ?

Qui nil molitur inepte, who is not brain-sick?

Folly, melancholy, madness, are but one disease,

delirium is a common name to all.

_Burton, “Democritus to the Reader,” The Anatomy of Melancholy.

Drawing by Brice Marden.

So…

is for English?

The French art critic, essayist and writer, Hector Bianciotti, once said that you can feel utterly desperate in one language, whilst hardly sad in another. That’s what this English page is for.

This a word lab ; I hope to lead a language experience in it. I want to see if my melancholy is differently expressed in English than in the French language.

Another beautiful drawing by Brice Marden. Click on it to view it properly.

February the 1^st – Thinking of Julien Green translating his early writings into French, then translating his later writings into English, in “Le Langage et son double”. A lifetime spent crossing the mirror of words, again and again.

February the 2^nd – Thinking of keeping a diary of my depression.

February the 3^rd – Thinking of writing about the here and now of depression.

February the 4^th – Thinking.

February the 5^th – Thinking.

February the 6^th – Thinking.

February the 7^th – Reading eagerly.

February the 8^th – ichi, ni, san ;

learning to count in Japanese.

I wonder… are my sentences too short?

Musicware : “A Love Supreme” by John Coltrane. 1966.

February the 9^th –

I’ve been asked :

“Are you psychic? Your diary reads three days ahead into the future…”

Yes. And I still wonder…

February the 10^th – I tidied up my room today and I have just found there over twenty-five notebooks, all of a different colour, shape and size. I wrote, scribbled, pasted images of all kind in those notebooks for the past six years. I am really surprised. I was so certain I was unable to keep any form of diary. And then I found twenty-five proofs that I was, am and will be able to keep at least twenty-five of them.

Now I am keeping another diary, in this electronic form of theirs…

February the 11^th – Another surprise. Have you ever read those who say they have utterly changed throughout life, that their five-years’ old self has nothing to do with their present-day one? Well, I never understood what they meant by that, and secretly disagreed. Now, considering I always hated the idea of keeping a diary, finding so many notebooks in some cob-webbed room is pretty strange. This means my self can change, at least in its tastes and hobbies.

What are the hobbies of your Self, dear, if I may ask?

February the 12^th – One thing does disapoint me about those notebooks, though. I have looked for years after ideal, plain, lightgrey-covered notebooks, and there I find a bunch that comes in so many different colours, shapes and sizes.

Paintware : today I looked at drawings by Michel Galvin.

February the 13^th – The Liquid of Metaphor.

There is no doubt that tidying up a bit is a good thing. Today I found a book of collected modern Japanese poems, called “The Liquid of…”. The last word was missing. Actually, someone put a handmade cover on this book, made of pale blue wrapping paper, the kind used to wrap flowers or breakable gifts. On top of the blue paper were pasted three cutouts from a newspaper (apparently, TLS) saying : “the liquid” and “of”. The last cutout probably fell off at some point. Below those words, you could also see pasted a blurry picture of a girl, saying, as if answering an unheard question on the phone:

“Yes. Yes. Love.”

Musicware : “Love’s Illusion” music from the “Montpellier Codex”, 13^th century.

Love indeed is Illusion.

February the 14^th – Wish List.

I wish to :

Just sit and think.

Be kissed.

Have time to read books, books, and more books : they are time condensed, emotions congealed, heart, brain.

Know what hue is Midnight blue (I may already know).

Write a novel called “The Journey” and a short story, “The Eel”.

Imageware : today I looked at a 1922 photograph showing a butterfly resting on a sheet of paper. This image was called “Diagram of Doom”..

February the 15^th – Diagram of Doom.

A postcard sent by Robert Frank :

I hope to write to you

again – when the clear view

the cool air have improved

my feelings

Frank is one of my favorite photographers.

February the 16^th – Why?

“Why does my pen not drop from my

hand on approaching the infinite pity and

tragedy of the past? It does, poor

helpless pen, with what it meets of the

ineffable, what it meets of the cold

Medusa – face of life, of all the life

lived, on every side. Basta, basta!

Henry James, Notebooks, page 321.

February the 17^th – Street signs.

“It is in your self-interest

to find a way

to be very tender.”

“Slipping into madness

is good for the sake

of comparison.”

Jenny Holzer.

Page first released : February the 4^th 2000

Last update : February the 9^th 2000. And I am not psychic. Yet.